Comments: AMWOC - Second Installment

Seems like natural dialogue to me; this snippet on its own doesn't have a deep hook, but (given a proper front end) I think it carries you along...

Posted by LDH at August 26, 2005 10:01 AM

Yeah, I tried to keep it to simple "snippet" length. I'm not very good at dialogue, but I am familiar with talking to kids at this age, so I'm using my own ear to make sure it sounds right.

There's not a real "deep hook," though the reference to the mom and brother is supposed to make you want to know more. Their backstory will play an important role at a critical plot point later on.

Thanks for commenting!

Posted by JohnL at August 26, 2005 10:18 AM

sounds right to me

Posted by Ted at August 26, 2005 10:56 AM

Sounds good to me. It has a natural flow about it, and yeah the part about the mother & brother have me curious.

Posted by phin at August 26, 2005 02:58 PM