Comments: NO EXPLANATION, BUT I'LL TRY

And welcome.

Posted by Lucy at April 1, 2009 12:32 PM

I cannot wait to give you a huge hug this weekend...I hope Teh Mr. Grok won't be jealous. :)

Love you!

Posted by Guard Wife at April 1, 2009 01:10 PM

Glad you're back.

When you already feel like a failure, it is difficult to accept anything that smacks of the slightest criticism.

Good advice for many different situations.

Posted by Amritas at April 1, 2009 02:01 PM

Welcome back.

Posted by Padraig at April 1, 2009 02:18 PM

*applauds*

Bravo Sarah. I love your complete honesty. And you're right... I have felt that way and didn't quite articulate or understand why I just didn't want anyone to say anything... but I did want something.

Glad to see you pick yourself back up again. Hopefully this "picking back up" will be a good reminder if you feel low again. We all go through it. Its called being Human.

Posted by T at April 1, 2009 03:27 PM

I've admired you since the first day I read your blog and more so now. I loved meeting you in person last year at SBL and am looking forward to seeing you this weekend.

Safe travels.

Posted by Susan at April 1, 2009 03:32 PM

*welcome back hugs* So glad to "see" you again. :-)

Posted by kannie at April 1, 2009 03:42 PM

I wouldn't give you advice because I have none for the situation you are in...other than to say, I have been there myself. Somedays it is just easier to stay in the house and not answer the phone because it is just to exhausting to have to talk.

I am glad you are back.

Posted by Judy at April 1, 2009 03:43 PM

dear lord let this comment go thru. Really your comment thingy hates me. But anyways, so glad your back and feeling somewhat better. Perspective is one thing, but lose is lose and it still hurts. Even with perspective there is still a sting.

Enjoy your family visit and spousebuzz!

Posted by the mrs. at April 1, 2009 04:23 PM

I love you Sarah. Never met you, hardly ever commented on your blog, and you don't know me from Adam, but I just love you to death. You are a beautiful soul, and I am thankful that you can share so eloquently. My heart breaks for you now, but I am hopeful for your future. Welcome back.

Posted by RC at April 1, 2009 06:05 PM

Och, your terrible pain was so evident - I didn't dare write a thing. I've been in that horrible place before and it really is a mental maze...you wend your way through it.

Congrats on having a husband who knew to hold your hand and congrats to you for being so honest about it all.

Enjoy each other...

Posted by LauraB at April 1, 2009 06:33 PM

When you already feel like a failure, it is difficult to accept anything that smacks of the slightest criticism.

Thank you for explaining that, and more. I wish I'd thought of that without you having to say it, for I would've known what NOT to say. And now I won't say you shouldn't have been embarrassed about your emotional state, as that would be the pot calling the kettle black (as in, I am accused of being far too hard on myself, too--maybe we can just be to hard on ourselves together, haha!).

And maybe that doesn't make sense to people who are content right now.

It makes sense to me, and so I offer my apologies for not having been more thoughtful or sensitive.

And I'm so glad to hear how wonderful your husband has been. Of course, if you picked him he must've been good... ;)

Posted by FbL at April 2, 2009 02:33 AM

Yay. Your blog is usually the first one in my favorite blogs folder I click on, and I have missed it. Glad to see you back.

Posted by TW at April 2, 2009 02:58 AM

so glad to see you!

Posted by queenie at April 2, 2009 09:03 AM

And that, dear cousin, is exactly why i haven't said *anything* for the past few days or weeks. i know that there was nothing that i could say that would be right. I probably should have said, i'm thinking of you, a few more time but i think i've said that a hundred times and you already know that. i did wonder how the husband was dealing with all this so it's good to know he's ok. i hope you enjoy some peace with your family :) and i love you.

Posted by kate at April 2, 2009 01:10 PM

You can only imagine how many different times i have wanted to write an email and say a few words of comfort but have been afraid to. Because I can only imagine in my way what you have gone through and how thoroughly you have been beaten down by events you cannot control. I do not know how you have kept yourself sane. I do applaud you and wish you all the best. And a better dr. ;D

Posted by Ruth H at April 2, 2009 01:13 PM

I've just re-read this a week later now that things have (I hope) calmed down a bit. I just want to clarify one thing:

It hurts to feel like someone is saying ... you're not emotionally strong enough to "adjust your reasoning" and try to develop a different meaning of life.

I never, ever meant to imply or to say that I thought you aren't strong enough to adjust your reasoning. If I thought you weren't strong enough, I certainly wouldn't have suggested that you try to do so. If I had known you were contemplating your gun, I certainly would not have said anything at all. If I thought you weren't competent or any of the things you said above, frankly, I probably wouldn't be reading this blog. :) What I said, I would say to my own sister if she had said to me what you posted. If that gets me a lot of "I'm frickin' glad I'm not your sister then" from people here, so be it. I never intended to hurt you more, road to hell, good intentions, etc.

Posted by Anwyn at April 7, 2009 07:45 PM

Anwyn -- I know you didn't mean to, but that's why I wanted to write and explain that all these little things that people don't mean to be hurtful sometimes are, if they're taken at the wrong moment. Thank you for writing back.

Posted by Sarah at April 10, 2009 08:20 AM