Comments: Fairly Unfair

It's not fair, and it sucks hard, and you guys are doing better than anyone would expect you to be. Hang in there.

Posted by Donna at February 13, 2011 10:25 PM

I hope you defaced the holy heck out of that annoying little boy and his smirky face!

I pretty much gave up on McD's after hearing their McNuggets have the same stuff in them as what keeps Silly Putty pliable. KFC on a rare, rare occasion. Usually my go to crap food is Wendy's (and no, I'm not counting In-n-Out as crap food, that stuff is health food for my soul!).

Hang in there, life may not be fair but it can't be all unfair all the time! The worm has to turn!

Posted by Erik at February 14, 2011 12:26 AM

Was just remarking to coworkers yesterday how much Bieber's hair looks like Bobby Sherman's.

Posted by Keith at February 14, 2011 11:49 AM

I'm the father of a 22 week preemie, a girl named Birdie, and after coming across your site on Instapundit I just wanted you to know I understand what you're going through. We lost our son (her twin, Sawyer) the day after they were born, and we thought we've thought we were going to lose her many times. She's six months adjusted age now, growing and constantly getting better. It gets so much easier on the parents when they're out of the NICU, even if they take a lot of extra care.

I've so far managed to keep myself from yelling incoherently at inanimate objects, but it's a close call some days.

Posted by Chris Bower at February 14, 2011 11:33 PM

Hang in there. We will keep you in our thoughts and prayers.

Posted by alex at February 14, 2011 11:42 PM

Father of premie twins. I think I can just barely understand what you are going through, with my girls born just a shade under 3 pounds, we felt lucky and overwhelmed at the same time. I started about where you are now, so yeah, life isn't fair. One of my girls wore wires and tubes for the first year of her life and it just seemed like it would never end. Hang in there. Enjoy the kangaroo care, and the time bent together over the isolets. Pray. Alot. Together. God be with you and yours. - MTR

Posted by celebrim at February 15, 2011 12:05 AM

Wow, thank you so much for your supportive words. I honestly don't know what else to say. Thanks to the Instapundit for the support. If I weren't so exhausted, I'd be floored.

Posted by Ryan at February 15, 2011 01:01 AM

Hi, I came here from Instapundit and wanted to offer my sympathy, and to tell you you're not alone. My sister's last child was born at 23 weeks. It was about one full year of hell, but he seems to be just fine now. No one can make any guarantees, I am sure you know, but there is hope.

I am also very sorry about your son's death. That is awfully unfair indeed.

Posted by Carl Pham at February 15, 2011 01:09 AM

we had some issues w/ our daughter as a consequence of a hard pregnancy. she was born a month early, stayed just a fews day in NCNU and was a whopping 4 lb 15 oz. Later she was diagnosed w/autism, but has undergone early and intensive therapy and seen remarkable progress. in search for biomedical solutions, when she was older, we started giving her fish oil, probiotics and apple cider vinegar as supplements. Before doing so, she had 7 ear infections in her first year and a half. Since starting, none. I think it helps. Also, we as a family have started eating much healthier, and we all feel so much better: physically and emotionally b/c of it. I really recommend Michael Pollan's "In Defense of Food." It's a great book to start learning more about nutrition and healthier eating. best of luck to you!

Posted by tim at February 15, 2011 01:22 AM

What a journey. My wife and I will keep you and your family in our prayers. I am confident God has a plan for you, that He has welcomed your son and has wrapped your daughter any both of you in His arms. It is truly amazing how strong you can be when there is simply no other choice.

Posted by W Keller at February 15, 2011 01:49 AM

From one preemie parent to another, I am so, so, sorry. Don't grow weary of well-doing. Keep loving your wife and your son and your daughter and entrust them each to God. You don't know me, but I am praying for you.

Posted by Ashley at February 15, 2011 01:55 AM

I was 6 or 7 weeks preemie in 1944 and have lived to tell the tale. I'm 6' 1 1/2" and more pounds than I care to relate. My sister before me died in childbirth.

Best wishes to you and your currently small child. I'm saying a prayer too.

Posted by M. Simon at February 15, 2011 02:24 AM

God Bless Zoey and your family. She is an amazing little girl and the wrenching love and pain and hope you shared deeply moved me...I am a better person after reading your words.

Posted by M.Long at February 15, 2011 04:39 AM

As a fellow insomniac, I stumbled across your site in the wee hours; two of which just spent reading and weeping through your archive. While not familiar with preemies, I am familiar with an ICU. In hindsight, I now understand the amount of time my parents, brother and sisters, other family, and friends spent in anguish. And I can say that that attentive anguish, and unbridled love, was central in my recovery.

I offer my best wishes for Zoey, you, your wife, and Aiden, and mourn the loss of Finn.

Posted by ben at February 15, 2011 05:02 AM

In from Glenn's site.

Hang in there and I'm praying for you.


Posted by Pat in Michigan at February 15, 2011 05:17 AM

No diet pepsi, Justin Bieber, that horrible weather that the Midwest has been having, and you didn't kill anyone? You're a better person than I am.

Will be hoping Zoey gets stronger every day, and will say a prayer for Finn. It has to seem like you will never get out of there, but you will, and trust me, that will be the most beautiful day ever even if it is cold, windy and pouring rain. Hang in there.

(Former NICU/PICU/Cardiac wing/regular ol' pediatric floor veteran from two different children's hospitals)

Posted by KoryO at February 15, 2011 05:32 AM

I'm pulling for all of you.

Eat better, neighbor- you need good food to function well.

Posted by backhoe at February 15, 2011 06:37 AM

There really are no words that I can say that will nurture you and take your pain away. I can say that prayer helps, and you will certainly have mine.

Posted by GM Roper at February 15, 2011 06:54 AM

Father of micropremie twins (1 lb 8 oz, 1 lb 6 oz), one who died 19 years ago valentine's day. We moveded to Rochester to have our last daughter and my wife spent 3 months in Rochester Methodist- total bedrest. With this background I know exactly what you are going through. Good luck. There is a rainbow at the end though. The surviving premie graduated at the top of her highschool class, made it to the finals of the International science fair, twice and has a full ride to University of Missouri. It has been quite a ride. Again, good luck to you and drop an email if you want.

Posted by rocko at February 15, 2011 06:58 AM

Arrived here via Instapundit. As the mother of twin boys born 2 months premature 26 years ago, I can relate to your circumstances. Oh those early morning calls, the nightime pumping, the oxygen levels... it all comes back. I ache for your loss, and rejoice in your precious daughter's progress. It is a constant roller coaster but luckily things do smooth out. My thoughts and prayers will be with you and your family.

Posted by Joanna at February 15, 2011 07:18 AM

See Ryan, all you had to do to get an Instalanche is have preemies. Doing it the Ed Morrisey way (i.e. writing something on a blog) is so 2008.

Posted by LearnedFoot at February 15, 2011 08:29 AM

Man, that bear picture brings back the memories! We have several pics exactly like that in my oldest daughter's baby books. Premie diapers too. I remember they had to special order some because they didn't have ones small enough for her. I remember the little premie outfit we were given about 4 weeks after she was born... it looked like a blanket on her!

The good news is, she's now a 15-year-old starting to drive, taking Algebra II and acing it AMAZING young lady. Breathe, Ryan. It does get better.

As for the junk food, I lived on Taco Bell because... it was close and life was just too much of a blur to make anything else. This too shall pass. Tell your wife WAY TO GO from a Mom whose been there with the breast pump. She is doing by FAR the best thing she can do for Zoey right now. Continue to take pics... one day you will write to some other new-premie-parent and will tell them how you REMEMBER your own bear picture.

Take CARE of yourself. Rest is hard. Rest anyway. Holding your older child is hard, hold him anyway. Hugging your wife is hard, hug her anyway. You will get through this. Our Stefani and her class are praying for your family and for Zoey. I'm posting your story to my group of miracle prayers as well. So watch for the miracles. They should start popping up just any time now!

Posted by Stacy at February 15, 2011 08:31 AM

Twelve years ago my grandson was born at 2 pounds 9 ounces. Shortly after he was born my daughter's husband lost his job and they moved in with us. My wife and I had only been married about 6 months.

We heard all the stories of what problems premies have. Twelve years later he is healthy, highly intelligent, and well behaved. He is everything I could want in a grandson.

I know a little of what you are going through. Don't give up hope. Don't listen to the downers. May you have the same good fortune we had.

Posted by Ron W at February 15, 2011 08:31 AM

Joining the Insta-Valentine a day late.... I will pray for Zoey and all your family.

It's not the grease that's a problem, it's the stress. But you might like to stick some food in your car, like a bag of (washed) apples or oranges (with a paper towel). Protein bars, sardines, baby carrots (washed) -- stuff like that. Stash this sort of thing in the backseat or a little cooler bag. Then you can have something to eat before you even start your car. Eating something will make you feel better.

Anyway, you want to take care of yourself so you can take care of everybody else.

Posted by Maureen at February 15, 2011 09:55 AM

Ryan, I hope your ordeal ends well and soon. As the father of a daughter born at 24 weeks who spent 3 months in the NICU and came home on a heart monitor (a device I still fear: I used to wake up in a panic 'cause I thought I heard it alarming)I know some of what you are going through. Here's hoping for a long and happy life for you and yours.

Posted by brainy435 at February 15, 2011 11:52 AM

Hi, as the mom to a 23 weeker I can empathize with everything you've said. She was just released in December and the agony of those first months are still very fresh. Please contact me if you have any questions. We are slowly figuring out the financial bit, we went on SSI and WIC and may have to go on medicaid if the bills are too staggering (she still has loads of dr.s visits)
I could throw a whole bunch of cliches at you, but really take it one thing at a time. Try not to read up on too much, you end up worrying about stuff you shouldn't. Most importantly love every minute you are with Zoey. We wish you the very best.
The Denby Clan

Posted by Ashley D at February 15, 2011 11:58 AM
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