Comments: Books and Covers

I have done some things to folks in the past that I am not proud of. There is no way I can go back and change them. I "know" now that I am supposed to forgive myself for being that ass that I was, but I find I cannot. So, I beat myself up for it and try to move on.
Try and move past it, say a little prayer for her and hers, and forgive yourself.

Posted by Papa Guy at July 18, 2012 11:33 PM

Wow, what a courageous post!! And the lesson that Bones will learn from this is one that words alone can't teach.

I think most of us can say we judged someone wrongly and felt that bad feeling when the "other truth" came to light. But most of us don't have the courage to admit it. I am one of those people who believe that things happen for a reason, and if the reason behind this is to teach Bones some compassion, then I'm guessing that the good mother in that woman would understand.

Posted by Peggy K at July 19, 2012 04:16 AM

It's been quite an eye opener for the kids, in particular for Bones. It's also been a case of 'you never know what is going on in someone else's house...' It may look all wonderful and nice, but it's a facade.

It's opened up some talks about psychology as well. Bones was like, "Wait, just because he was XYZ and did ABC, you want to be her friend now? What about the time she did this... and this...?"

I told him, I have no desire to be her friend. She's not someone I would hang out with. But there is no reason for me to be anything but nice, like I would be to anyone else. The avoidance has to stop. And that her actions were a result of some other things and I explained some cause and effect and why people behave certain ways.

It doesn't give her an excuse for some of it, but it does. She said something kind of insulting to me once. I just stared her down and walked away shaking my head at her absolute stupidity. One of my girlfriends said, "You don't see it. She is intimidated by you and doesn't know how to respond..." and I said, "It's irrelevant. She's dumb. There is no reason to respond."

I look back on it now and I realize that friend of mine knew some things I did not.

Crazy. Absolutely crazy.

Posted by Bou at July 19, 2012 06:32 AM

I agree with Peggy; what an important life lesson for the boys!

You're certainly not alone in misjudging others... we all do it... but you are to be commended for changing your mind and being open about it with your children.

Posted by pam at July 19, 2012 07:52 AM

You can only relate to people by what you see. It does no good to make excuses for a person because she might have x, y, or z wrong in her life and allow that chaos to become part of yours...especially if she did nothing to change them. Granted, I don't know the whole story. But if her way of dealing with those problems for all that time was counter-intuitive to the way you would have personally dealt with it...you couldn't have been a help anyway. Yes, be supportive in this sad time...and hope she can move forward in a better way.

Posted by Mrs. Who at July 19, 2012 09:33 AM

I've been that woman.

Posted by Rave at July 19, 2012 11:52 AM

We all are guilty from time to time of making judgements about people without knowing all the facts. The fact that you admit this and are willing to make amends makes you a better person than many.

Posted by diamond dave at July 19, 2012 10:23 PM

As usual Peggy summed up my thoughts beautifully. Every year I seem to get some new lesson in the fact that everyone is doing their best with what they have today and it sticks until the next time I decide that no one can *seriously* be that clueless and really this person *must* be doing this because they have some "other" intention ... sigh ... maybe I'll have it figured out by 85! Here's hoping. xx

Posted by shaz at July 20, 2012 09:26 PM

You can only operate on the information you have.
I think that's forgiveable.

Posted by PeggyU at July 20, 2012 11:52 PM

There are people who, for whatever reason, we just can't like. Yes she might have been going through hellish times at home, but the outside world can only deal with what it sees. How in the world are we supposed to distinguish between a person having a bad life behind closed doors and a person who is simply not nice because they have a sucky personality?

It's a most excellent lesson for kids though - the fact that what you see on the outside is not at all what might be happening inside. Don't envy what someone seems to have because it might not be at all what you think it is.

It will be interesting to see how she changes now that he is gone. I agree, you will be able to be nicer to her (at least for a while). Maybe she will become a nicer person to know or not.

Posted by Teresa at July 24, 2012 09:42 AM