Comments: It's time.

I don't think it makes you a bad person to wish for the latter. Sometimes, we wish our loved ones won't have to suffer, death is sometimes how that suffering ends. After watching my grandfather battle Alzheimers, I wished death would swiftly take him. It did not. He suffered for 8 years. I don't think it made me a bad person to want my loved one to be pain and illness and injury free or at peace. Don't beat yourself up.

I'm sorry for your family.

Posted by oddybobo at December 30, 2005 12:58 PM

that last sentence didn't quite sound right, so let me just say, your family is in my thoughts.

Posted by oddybobo at December 30, 2005 01:00 PM

It makes you human to wish for the suffering to end... for everyone. I've been there, I've felt it, and I know that just hearing someone else say what I felt won't make it any better.

You're all in my thoughts...

Posted by That 1 Guy at December 30, 2005 01:32 PM

When the end is obvious & inevitable, it's normal to wish away the interim period.

Felt the same way when I watched my dad wind down.

Posted by Harvey at December 30, 2005 02:07 PM

{{hugs}}

You are not a bad person. I hated watching my dad get worse and worse. I felt the same way you did. I did not like seeing him suffer.

Posted by vw bug at December 30, 2005 04:33 PM

It makes you very human. There is nothing easy about it. But talking with her and letting her know you care - it gets through and it makes a difference. For both of you.

My thoughts and prayers are with you in this.

Posted by Tammi at December 30, 2005 06:22 PM

I am so sorry. I am sending good thougts and prayers your way....

Posted by Richmond at December 30, 2005 06:35 PM

I wnet through those same feelings when my Dad's health started failing this summer. I don;t think it makes you a bad person. In fact, I think it shows that you have a compassionate side you like to hide from the world. I am certain you have many reasons for that. Just know that my prayers are with you, and if there is anything you need me to do, I am there.

Posted by littlejoe at December 31, 2005 12:09 AM

I'm glad that you had the courage to write that on your blog so you were able to know that you're not alone, bad, nor selfish, nor unique in your thinking.

It's both compassion and human nature not to want someone else to suffer needlessly. My Aunt, who died in early spring 2005, was the same sweet stubborn diabetic, parkinson patient who refused to cut life short and live by doctor's orders.

Unfortunately there pathway is very predictable way, much as you describe here. Her behavior didn't change even in the nursing home. So all I could do is go visit share old memories and smiles and hope/pray for the best.

At least we have those fond memories of them. Those are the ones I still hold onto, not her stubborn latter years.

I will keep you and your family in my thoughts; having gone through this I know it won't be easy for any of you. Hugs!

Posted by michele at December 31, 2005 11:35 AM

Parkinson is a tough disease to watch a loved one go through, especially towards the end.

Hubbies grandmother had parkinsons and towards the end she was very bad and we could only hope for her suffering to end.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Posted by Machelle at December 31, 2005 05:09 PM

You and yours have always been in my thoughts and prayers, and even more so now. If ever you need anything... well, you know.

And no, you're not a bad person for feeling the way you do. No one wants a loved one to suffer, and when they do hurt, we just want it to stop. Nothing wrong with that.

Posted by Wes at January 1, 2006 02:27 PM