Comments: Parental Guilt and Stay at Home Moms!

Of all the benefits mentioned of having a stay-at-home mom (or dad), the most significant omission in the above excerpt concerns the general well-being of the child[ren], and by extension, the family. "Quality" time is no substitute for simply being around enough to provide a solid base. Taking the time to actually raise your child rather than 'watching them grow up' can mean the difference between helping a child that needs extra discipline and guidance, and a Columbine kid.

Posted by Danielle L. at June 28, 2003 07:40 PM

I'm a SAH mom (who occasionally does contract gigs that I can do from home on a part-time basis). I'm also a feminist. I believe a parent staying home with the kids is ideal. But I also realize, as you do not seem to, that many families don't have the luxury of my choice. I know lots of women who would like to stay home but they can't afford to (and these are not families taking expensive vacations or living in pricey homes or driving flashy cars). The reality is that to have a moderate, middle-class lifestyle it is usually necessary to have 2 incomes. If I worked full time, I could make 60-80k depending on the job I took, which is alot of money to forgo;instead I do some contract stuff and if I make $25k its a good year. My husband is a lawyer and makes a moderate salary, but we have almost no college savings, very little retirement, and about three months of living expenses in the bank. Staying home is, IMO, the right choice for my children's development, but I am worried about our financial future (especially with a brilliant 13 yr old stepchild who will probably get into a college that costs a mint). I don't dismiss moms who work as less invested in their children's wellbeing than I am. I think they had different choices and who knows - they may be in better shape to give their kids other necessities down the line than I will be.
It is so, so easy to criticize other people's parenting decisions. But it is so, so hard to be a parent. I don't know if you're a parent or not, but every parent I know tries the best they can to DO the best they can by their kids.

Posted by hope at June 28, 2003 10:57 PM

Perhaps you misunderstood my post.
I didn't criticize anyone's choice. I was commenting on the article. I believe that high taxes especially contribute to the need for 2 incomes. It also depends on what sort of lifestyle you want, and all that. For the record I have 2 teenagers and have run the gamut from a 2-income household, to being a single (working)parent to now- which is being the one with the full time day job and my husband works sporadically as a musician, and takes care of the kids during the day. I made a conscious decision to have one parent at home because I felt that was best, after having done it the other ways.
We get by on roughly 30k a year so in my book you're living the good life.

Posted by Danielle L. at June 30, 2003 09:54 PM

Jackie Kennedy Onassis said something to the effect of...A person can be the greatest success the world has ever seen, and if he messes up parenting, what good is it? or if you screw up with your children, nothing else really matters.

I think, for mothers, that is true. You only get one chance, granted over eighteen years, to do it right. If you fail, you really never get over it. There isn't enough rationalization in the world to get over it, even if you have an incredibly good or factual reason as to why you didn't do anything wrong.

Posted by Lana at July 2, 2003 12:27 AM

im 14 yrs old and what is this shit?

Posted by Kayla Elliott at December 12, 2003 11:43 AM


Posted by UR MOMMA at December 12, 2003 11:44 AM