Comments: Don't f*cking ask

hugs to you, my dear

Posted by wRitErsbLock at July 9, 2007 01:17 PM

YES!

And even if they already have kids, STILL don't ask. When my son was 18 months, we started on trying to have another (It ended up taking over a year....) Anyway, everyone started asking when we were going to have another RIGHT after I had a miscarriage when we finally got pregnant after 8 months of trying. While we were on vacation. For our anniversary.

Let's just say it did NOT HELP AT ALL. Blah.

People ask too many personal questions.

Posted by silvermine at July 9, 2007 02:58 PM
It may take a village to raise a child, but does the entire village need to know the details of the conception and whether or not the child was wanted, planned, or a complete surprise?

No, but I'm sure if you name the kid "Oops" they'll figure it out.

Posted by Xrlq at July 9, 2007 04:09 PM

How true... and since it's been a sore subject for what seems like my entire life I never, ever ask anyone else that sort of question, no matter how well I know them.

Unfortunately, many people aren't as sensitive. Or maybe they're just rude. :/

Posted by pam at July 9, 2007 06:07 PM

I, too, have been harangued quite a bit with these inappropriate you-don't-know-me-well-enough-to-ask sorts of questions.

I have always tried to answer them with the non-answer: the shrug, wink, nod. It means nothing, they get nothing from it, and I get to avoid calling them pushy or nosy or things of that sort.

No sooner had Bunny Boop arrived than people starting asking about the next one. Now, it is one thing for my OB/GYN and I to discuss it. I'll even allow it as a topic from my mother, albeit grudgingly. But my boss? I don't think so.

You are correct that it is a can of worms. It is far better to just be a good friend, polite, and be happy for the couple whatever choices they make or situations that are forced upon them.

For the record, I am firmly of the opinion that it damn well doesn't "take a village" to raise a child. It only "takes a village" if you suck as a parent and are abdicating your responsibilities and "the village" has to take up the slack.

But that's a whole other angry screed and this is neither the time nor the place.

Posted by Phoenix at July 10, 2007 06:59 AM

Medical - I'm allergic to children.

Posted by DirtCrashr at July 10, 2007 02:27 PM

Oh, amen to all of that.

Two thoughts:

1. I've been accused of "not caring" just because I didn't care to join in on the speculation or drumbeat of "when are you going to have kids" to couples I know. No, I DO care, but I figure that if they want to tell me, they will.

Don't try to goad me into being a blasted gossip or a nosy Nellie.

2. I've threatened in the past to begin asking married couples, "So...you two still having sex?" when people asked me when I was going to "settle down" and get married.

Hey - you ask an intrusive question, I get to ask one. Isn't that how the game goes?

(People have stopped asking. I don't know whether to take that as a relief, or as an ominous sign.)

3. I wonder how much of the "celebutante" culture (where every hangover, every bad haircut is shown all over the media) is contributing to people getting the idea that no one's private life is really private any more.

Posted by ricki at July 17, 2007 10:59 AM